Category Archives: Filk

No Hurry

No Hurry
Shawna Jacques

ttto “No Hurry” by Michelle “Vixy” Dockrey

The alarm goes off at 7, and I make a grumbling sound
I get dressed up just enough to take my morning meeting rounds,
While the brewing of the kettle’s taking much too long for tea,
I count the days that I’ve worked from home, thanks to this quarantine.

No hurry, no hurry now
Watch TV for an hour or two
No hurry, no hurry now
You fill your time when it’s all you can do
No hurry, no hurry now
From Zoom to Zoom, what’s another Monday?
No hurry, no hurry now
Whenever it is, it’s far and away

I read on social media about some people at the store
How the lineup to get in is spaced six feet apart or more,
My planned year has some travel and I’m hoping it still will,
But it’s hard to social distance when you’re flying ‘cross the world.

No hurry, no hurry now
Watch TV for an hour or three
No hurry, no hurry now
You fill your time when it’s all that you need
No hurry, no hurry now
From Zoom to Zoom, what’s another Thursday?
No hurry, no hurry now
Whenever it is, it’s far and away

We put masks by the roadside so the neighbors can take some,
Gather bread flour and active yeast and bake a hecking ton,
Though most of us must stay at home, till the plague’s gone down again
Our essential workers have to go, so we’re doing what we can.

No hurry, no hurry now
Watch TV for an hour or four
No hurry, no hurry now
You fill your time when you really want more,
No hurry, no hurry now
From Zoom to Zoom, what’s another Wednesday?
No hurry, no hurry now
Whenever it is, it’s far and away

Doctors say it’s best this way, to the best of what they know
And I wonder now when it will be that we can leave our homes?
I want to go see all my friends, and not just their online face
But we can’t kick COVID in the butt if we move at such a pace

No hurry, no hurry now
Watch TV for an hour or five
No hurry, no hurry now
You fill your time so you know you’re alive
No hurry, no hurry now
From Zoom to Zoom, what even is today?
No hurry, no hurry now
Whenever it is, it’s far and away

QA Engineer Shanty

QA Engineer Shanty

ttto “Livejournal Shanty” by Brooke Abbey

filk by Shawna Jacques


And it’s way hey, me lads, crash the test app again,   G – C G
There might be a new fix from developers’ hands   C G D7 –
Yes it’s way hey, me boys, try a repro or two,   G – C G
and eight more new bugs found leaves us feeling blue.   C G D7 G

It’s a hard life a-workin’ the quality trail   Gm – Dm Gm
I’m testing all day and all night without fail   Gm – Cm Gm
If I didn’t, I know that we would be a wreck as    Gm – Cm Gm
We’d never discover the bugs ’till they frack us.  Cm Gm D7 Gm

And it’s way hey, me lads, crash the test app again,   G – C G
There might be a new fix from developers’ hands   C G D7 –
Yes it’s way hey, me boys, try a repro or two,   G – C G
and thirteen new bugs found leaves us feeling blue.   C G D7 G


And it’s upload the icons, change a naming scheme,    Gm – Dm Gm
Answer dev’s questions, HAUL AWAY at our screens,   Gm – Cm Gm
Write a legal disclaimer for your install page   Gm – Cm Gm
And revise the notations of bug fixes made.   Cm Gm D7 Gm

And it’s way hey, me lads, crash the test app again,   G – C G
There might be a new fix from developers’ hands   C G D7 –
Yes it’s way hey, me boys, try a repro or two,   G – C G
and twenty new bugs found leaves us feeling blue.   C G D7 G

And let’s bitch ’cause they changed the UI without telling     Gm – Dm Gm
The red line’s outdated, there’s so many misspellings   Gm – Cm Gm
I don’t ask for much, but I’d like to be told   Gm – Cm Gm
when the outsourced team’s outsourced team’s    Cm Gm
outsourced team’s outsourced team’s    Cm Gm
outsourced team’s outsourced team’s    Cm Gm
“updating” the code.    D7 Gm 


And it’s way hey, me lads, crash the test app again,   G – C G
There might be a new fix from developers’ hands   C G D7 –
Yes it’s way hey, me boys, try a repro or two,   G – C G
and forty new bugs found leaves us feeling blue.   C G D7 G.

I’m not scared that I will be blamed by my masters    Gm – Dm Gm
since they hired me I have prevented disasters   Gm – Cm Gm
but I’m still going to file all my emails away   Gm – Cm Gm
Another bug will come up just like today.   Cm Gm D7 Gm

And it’s way hey, me lads, crash the test app again,   G – C G
There might be a new fix from developers’ hands   C G D7 –
Yes it’s way hey, me boys, try a repro or two,   G – C G
and ten more new bugs found leaves us feeling blue.   C G D7 G
Yeah, one hundred more bugs found leaves me feeling blue.   C G D7 G

ONE ‘SPLAIN MORE

ONE ‘SPLAIN MORE

a filk/parody by Shawna Jacques of “One Day More” from Les Miserables

FURIOUS FEMME:
One ‘splain more
Another ‘splain, another “well, actually”
This never-ending road to patr’archy
These men think they deserve my time
Will surely come explain my crimes
One ‘splain more…

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
I did not know until today
That I could live without words you farted.

FURIOUS FEMME
One ‘splain more

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
Tomorrow I’ll throw your words away
And yet with this, my rage has started

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 1:
One more ‘splain all on my own

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
Our pronouns are they and them!

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 1:
One more splain with her not hearing

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
Our last warning goes to you

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 1:
I want a wife, but I’m friend-zoned

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
And I swear my anger’s true

MEDICORE MANSPLAINER 1::
And she’ll never see me there

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 2:
One more ‘splain “just to inform”

EXHAUSTED ENBY :
Will he follow if we go?

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 2:
I’ll speak with my right to freedom

ANGRY ACE:
Shall we join our siblings there?

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 2:
Without thanks, resentment forms

EXHAUSTED ENBY:
We won’t be safe unless we dare.

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 1 & 2:
Don’t you know your place with me?

ALL:
The time is now, the day is here

FURIOUS FEMME:
One ‘splain more

DANGEROUS DEVILS ADVOCATE:
One ‘splain more to resolution,
We’ll show you and we will judge!
We’ll be ready for SJWs
We will push them in the mud!

FURIOUS FEMME:
One ‘splain more!

TEDIOUS TROLLS 1 AND 2
Watch ’em run amuck,
Laugh at ’em as they fall,
Never give a fuck
Make it a free for all,
Here a little “RIP”
There a little “wat”
Most of them are snowflakes
So they won’t hold up!

ASTUTE ALLIES (2 Groups)
1: One ‘splain to a new beginning
2: Raise the flag of banning high!
1: Every ban will make us sing
2: Every ban will make us sing
1: There’s a new world for the winning
2: There’s a new world to be won

ALL:
Do you hear the people sing?

EXHAUSTED ENBY:
My place is here, I fight with you!

FURIOUS FEMME:
One ‘splain more!

[OVERLAP STARTS]

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 2:
One more ‘splain all on my own

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
I did not know until today

DANGEROUS DEVILS ADVOCATE:
We will smear these people’s heroes
We will follow where they go
We will post all of their secrets,
They’ll know all the things we know.

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
That I could live without words you farted.

FURIOUS FEMME:
One ‘splain more!”

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
Tomorrow I’ll throw your words away

MEDIOCRE MANSPLAINER 1:
I want a wife, but I’m friend-zoned

EXHAUSTED ENBY and ANGRY ACE:
And yet with this, my rage has started

DANGEROUS DEVILS ADVOCATE:
One ‘splain more to resolution,
We’ll show you and we will judge!
We’ll be ready for SJWs

TEDIOUS TROLLS 1 AND 2
Watch ’em run amuck,
Laugh at ’em as they fall,
Never give a fuck
Make it a free for all!

FURIOUS FEMME:
Tomorrow isn’t far away,
Tomorrow is the judgement day

[OVERLAP ENDS]

ALL
Tomorrow we’ll discover
What our social justice has in store!
One more man…
One more ‘splain…
ONE ‘SPLAIN MORE!

written February 4th, 2019

Pick A Key

“Pick a Key”
ttto “Let It Be”
by Shawna Jacques

01/28/2018 in the Smoked Salmon of Conflikt 11

When I find myself inside the circle
And the filk frog comes to me
Start to sing, but I don’t have a key
And in my hour of darkness
songbook sitting here in front of me
got the words, and I must pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
Whisper words, but I should pick a key

And when the patient listening filkers
sitting in the room agree
We’ll all sing it with you, pick a key
for though it’s been misstarted
there is still a chance for harmony
we’ll all sing it with you, pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
we’ll all sing it with you
pick a key, pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
so you’ll all sing it with me, pick a key

and when the night is passing
there is still a chance to sing with me
sing on until tomorrow, pick a key
I stay up with the sound of music
and the filk frog comes to me
I’ll sing words and finally pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
pick a key, yeah pick a key
so you’ll all sing it with me, pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
pick a key, yeah pick a key
so you’ll all sing it with me, pick a key
pick a key, pick a key
Ah pick a key, yeah pick a key
Wrote the words, and now I’ll pick a key

Filk: Rose Marshall’s Ride

Rose Marshall’s Ride

 

ttto of “Black Davie’s Ride”, by Cynthia McQuillin

filk written by Shawna Jacques

 

Rose Marshall’s riding on down the ghost road
No moon of silver nor sun of gold
Wandering all through the Midnight so cold,
Who would you be with if you’d grown old?

Highway girl, highway girl, what do you dream?
Are you a travelling to see a queen?
Are you a hitcher, waiting on roadsides,
Or do you dream of a Sparrow Hill ride?

 

Your hair was tied back and lemon juice gold
Your dress was green, and your eyes were so bold.
He thought to have you, but the price would be your soul,
What kind of engine takes that kind of coal?

Highway girl, highway girl, what do you dream?
Are you a travelling to see a queen?
Are you a hitcher, waiting on roadsides,
Or do you dream of a Sparrow Hill ride?

 

When nights were warmer and your soul was young,
There were so many things you would not have done,
But though you dance til the last song is sung
He paid the crossroads, and now your time has come

Highway girl, highway girl, what do you dream?
Are you a travelling to see a queen?
Are you a hitcher, waiting on roadsides,
Or do you dream of a Sparrow Hill ride?



He stole a friend of yours, and he commands,
That you risk everything you have to make your stand
But he could never steal your power from your hand
And now there’s Bethany with her checkered flag,

Highway girl, highway girl, what do you dream?
Are you a travelling to see a queen?
Are you a hitcher, waiting on roadsides,
Or do you dream of a Sparrow Hill ride?

 


Highway girl, highway girl, what do you dream?
Are you a travelling to see the queen?
Are you a hitcher, waiting on roadsides,
Or do you dream of a Sparrow Hill ride?

Or do you dream of a Sparrow Hill ride?

Nation Called Panem

by Shawna Jacques
written about Hunger Games (by Suzanne Collins),
ttto “City of Marrow” by S.J. Tucker,

which is written for a book called Orphan’s Tales: In the Cities of Coin and Spice,
by Catherynne M. Valente

Lyrics updated 03-06-2016

If you are not familiar with this book, it is a beautiful pair of books of stories within stories within stories. The story the original song is about is about a city that has fallen to ruin due to a monster comprised mostly of teeth and hunger. The city, which used to mint coins from metal, now mints coins from the bones of dead children, and they make other children work the machines. A boy and a girl stick in that wretched workforce decide to take matters into their own hands, and the boy literally feeds his own arm into the machine so they have coins for their escape. Then I read The Hunger Games, and this practically wrote itself.

(oooo intro)

You’d never know that Panem was
a different place, up until the war
her city’s heart lost its way
so long, so long
gone is the country, the people, the land
now hunger is all that’s in store
above and below she has rotted away,
so long, so long

the districts had called
for Capitol fall,
but now no more than twelve you will find
broken shattered walls
no one there at all
gone to ashes and wasteland and lost time

bakers’ sons and coal miners’ daughters
must take their own lives to hand
I have been through the games of hunger,
and I have come out again.

(so) Fear for the lives they’re wasting
their Reaper may come for you
there’s only one victor, so try to win
they’re counting on you to pull through
or the Hunger Games may take them, too.

(ohhh, oh, I volunteer
ohhh, oh, I volunteer)

Truly, we’ve lost our great nation
that hunger has all but devoured
I look to my mother but I’m all alone
no one looks after the kids now

(ohhh, oh, I volunteer
ohhh, oh, I volunteer)

There can be no hope for our nation
while President Snow is in power
The odds aren’t in favor
Of me or of you

there’s only the Games now,
there’s only the blame now…

Fear for the lives they’re wasting
their Reaper may come for you
there’s only one victor, so try to win
they’re counting on you to pull through, oh…

Fear for the lives they’re wasting
their Reaper may come for you
there’s only one victor, so try to win
they’re counting on you to pull through
or the Hunger Games may take them, too.

bakers’ sons and coal miners’ daughters
must take their own lives to hand
fear now the Games of Hunger
you may not come out again.
I have been through the Games of Hunger
and I have come out again.

Fear for the lives they’re wasting
their Reaper may come for you
there’s only one victor, so try to win
they’re counting on you to pull through
the Hunger Games must someday end, too.

(mockingjay whistle tune)

Filk: Filk Halls of Harmony

Filk Halls of Harmony

Words: Based on those written by Al Frank
Music: “Farewell tae th’ Creeks” by Hamish Henderson

Written while at the Columbus Airport after OVFF 2012

The Toastmaster’s saddened. The con’s gone away.
There’s no Dead Dog whiskey to be had today.
The skies up above us are clouded and grey
And all of the filkers are leavin’.

And it’s trudge, trudge, out to the landing,
And set down your packs while the lift’s on its way.
And it’s fare ye well ye filk halls of harmony.
All the poor filkers are leaving.

This contract’s fulfilled but next year’s has been made.
The hotel has told us our time’s overstayed.
Goodbyes if you haven’t said them all today.
When our carpools arrive, we’ll be leavin’.

And it’s trudge, trudge, out to the breezeway,
And Tetris your packs in the most fitting way.
And it’s fare ye well ye filk halls of harmony.
All the poor filkers are leaving.

No plane’s movin’ eastward, it’s covered in storm.
So only the ones who’re bound elsewhere go home,
Don’t sweat when your flight is, can’t leave still it’s done,
It still rains on the day that we’re leavin’.

And it’s trudge, trudge, out to the airport,
And check all your packs, make sure they’re squared away.
And it’s fare ye well ye filk halls of harmony.
Most of the filkers are leaving.

Some filk for the singing, some filkers just play.
But we are all filkers and filking’s our way.
It’s a hard thing to leave, but employment means pay
And like all of your filk friends, you’re leavin’.

So it’s phones out, check on the landin’
The flight has come in, walk aboard, come away.
And it’s fare ye well ye filk halls of Harmony,
For all the tired filkers are leavin’.

Filk: The Nation Called Panem

Updated lyrics here.

 

Outdated lyrics below:

Read the rest of this entry

Filk: There’s A Breach In The Warp Core

This began as a filk that popped into my head whilst showering this morning. I mentioned it to  Marcos Duran, and this is what we came up with collaboratively.

There’s a breach in the warpcore,
oh Captain, my captain!
There’s a breach in the warpcore,
dear Captain, a breach!

So patch it, dear Geordi,
dear Geordi, dear Geordi!
So patch it, dear Geordi,
dear Geordi, patch it!

With what shall I patch it,
oh Captain, my captain?
With what shall I patch it,
dear Captain, patch it?

With a force field, dear Geordi,
dear Geordi, dear Geordi!
With a force field, dear Geordi,
dear Geordi, with force!

The force field’s not working,
oh Captain, my captain!
The force field’s not working,
dear Captain, it broke!

Dilithium matrix,
dear Geordi, dear Geordi!
dilithium matrix,
just realign it!

It’ll take me six hours,
oh Captain, my Captain!
It’ll take me six hours,
and I can’t rush it!

Then eject it, dear Geordi,
dear Geordi, dear Geordi!
Then eject it, dear Geordi,
eject the core now!

But the Borg ship is firing,
oh Captain, my captain!
But the Borg ship is firing,
dear Captain, the Borg!

Resistance is futile,
dear Geordi, dear Geordi!
Resistance is futile,
for we are the Borg!

Locutis is Captain,
dear ship crew, dear ship crew,
Locutis is Captain
and we are all doomed.

We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile. 

[Video] What Is Filk? An Answer, Among Others

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/video/7142684-eye-on-the-bay-those-other-conventions-pt-21/