Category Archives: Silliness

Ficlet: “They Just Were”, a Fullmetal Alchemist Ficlet (Winry Rockbell/Sheska), PG-13

Title of the work: They Just Were
Author/Artist: foxipher
Pairing: Winry Rockbell/Sheska
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Theme: #15: perfect blue (this was a theme challenge for the 30_kisses Livejournal community 6 years ago)
Disclaimer: None of the characters or worlds in this story are mine. They are property of their respective owners. Sheska’s last name is a fangirling of Lieutenant Commander Susan Ivanova from Babylon 5. Yomiko Readman (alternate universe) is from Read or Die.
Rating: PG-13

Warning: Movie spoilers, shoujo-ai.

If anyone could wear their heart in their eyes, Winry Rockbell was the champion. She could never hide what she felt, and it bothered her sometimes. It never ceased to amaze her clients when they saw the intensity in her eyes around anything involving automail. They placed their trust in her, because they saw the confidence and ability in her eyes. For those critical minutes, they were perfect, the shining blue antidote to the fears and apprehensions that accompany many medically mechanical surgeries.

*******

For as long as Sheska Ivanova could remember, she loved the written word. Her earliest memory was of her childhood friend Yomiko, who was six years her senior, teaching her how to read letters and sound out simple words like “cat” or “dog”. Sheska had inherited the love of books from her parents, who were both middle-class, well-educated people. Books were her solace and her comfort. She would wander among shelves of them, stroking their spines and caressing their covers with a lover’s touch. Her childhood favorite, “The Little Alchemist That Could”, was so well-loved that it was falling to pieces, but to her, its familiar blue cover was perfect.

*******

Neither woman could point out exactly why or when it happened, but they both became somewhat aware of it after their adventures in phone-tapping. They began to spend more time together, Sheska reading voraciously as Winry tinkered with this or that project. They settled into a comfortable friendship that involved more companionable silence than talking, and they liked it that way. Winry knew that anything she said to Sheska while reading would have to be repeated at least three times, and Sheska knew that moving Winry’s projects or tools was a good way to make her angry. Nothing much happened, not even after they had realized that Ed and Al were gone through the Gate for good.

And yet, something was indeed different.

Winry would lean on the back of Sheska’s chair and read over her shoulder if she was reading anything mechanical, and Sheska would feign unawareness of Winry’s soft breasts brushing her upper back, and of her breath quiet in her ear. Likewise, Winry would start lively discussions on something they’d read, and she’d pretend not to be attracted to the sparkle in Sheska’s eyes as she bloomed beneath the attention. They both felt vaguely unsettled, but couldn’t or wouldn’t admit the true roots of their feelings to themselves.

One hot summer afternoon, the two women were sitting underneath a tree to escape the heat. Winry’s neck was stiff from building automail all morning, and Sheska had removed her glasses to give her eyes a rest. Both were grateful for the break, and they sat companionably next to each other, chatting about not-much-at-all. Winry stretched, moving her neck and lifting her arms. Sheska had closed her eyes, and opened them to find Winry’s gently smiling face about twelve inches from her own.

‘Why did I never see’, she thought, ‘how perfectly blue her eyes are?’

As Winry’s soft lips touched her own, Sheska closed her eyes again and soared.

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Filk: Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer

Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And when the cultists saw it
They could really see it glow

All of the other reindeer
Were not very nice, it’s true
And so they let poor Rudolph
Be sacrificed to Cthulu.

On one foggy Solstice eve,
That Old One awoke
Rudolph, with his nose so red
A tasty snack, and now quite dead.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh (fin gluey ma glow nafuh)
Cthulhu R’lyeh (Cthulu ri-ll-yuh)
wgah’nagl fhtagn (wog nachgul fuh-ta-chen)
Snack was eaten, back to bed!

(Pronunciation of Cthulu-related words found here.)
(This is Tonja’s fault.)

Filk: No Phone Lasts… ttto “Into the West” by Annie Lennox

Written at Conflikt 5 and first performed in the Smoked Salmon filk around 9pm on January 29, 2012.

Lay down
your beat and weary set.
Sound is failing,
it has come to journey’s end.
Seek new,
think not of ones that came before.
I am calling
across from the grocery store.

Why do you keep
that crappy phone you must replace?
Soon you will see
all of your fears will pass away;
smartphones won’t harm.
It’s only beeping…

What do you see
in that Verizon?
Why does it drop your calls?
Just cross the street,
your signal rises.
The shipment’s come,
they have your new phone,
and calls will turn
to clear as glass.
A light in the corner,
no phone lasts…

Screen fades,
goes blank and dark as night.
GPS failing,
out of memory and time.
Don’t say “I will get there in the end.”
Your friends are calling
so you and they can meet again.

And you’ll be here, where it’s warm,
not seeking…

What do you see
in that Verizon?
Why does it drop your calls?
Just cross the street,
your signal rises.
The shipment’s come,
they have your new phone,
and calls will turn
to clear as glass.
A light in the corner…
Get here fast!
Droids are the best.

Poem: Monday Morning

Written on 01-30-2012

It’s Thursday afternoon, I am leaving work,
I busily make my lists
I’m writing down all I need to pack
Because soon I’ll be going to the
filk con!

It’s Friday evening, I’m at the hotel,
Convention’s about to start
I’m hugging those that I’ve been missing
And then I find my fav’rite seat in

the ballroom at the filk con!

It’s Saturday late afternoon, I’m at Interfilk
I’ve come armed with a budget
I’m not resisting the wenches’ charms
Easy to persuade while seated in

the chair in the ballroom at the filk con.

It’s Sunday after dinner, I’m at the Dead Dog
Convention’s nearly over
I’d pour my heart out but my heart’s here
Somewhere that I belong, singing in

the circle with the chair in the ballroom at the filk con.

It’s Monday morning and I’m at work,
I blearily blink and yawn
Searching for the wrong set of faces,
I’m at the office, yet I’m still in

with my friends in the circle with the chair in the ballroom at the filk con.

And I promise I’ll be back next year.

Filk: “One Ring to Rule Them All”

One Ring to Rule Them All
ttto of Glee ballad version of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
(all because of a misheard lyric)

I stare out from the middle of the night
My wizard says, “I rule all of Middle Earth life”
Well, Sarumon, your time is done
My ring, to rule them all
One ring, to…

Saw my ring in the middle of the night
That wizard says, “Keep the palantir out of sight?”
Well, Gandalf dear, you’re an unfortunate one
My ring, will rule them all
One ring, to…

That’s all I really want…
That one ring, to rule them all

Hobbit inherits my ring of gold
Oh, and he’s hid it away from the rest of the world
except me, I am the burning Eye of Sauron
One Eye, to rule them all
One Eye, to…

That’s all I really want…
That one ring, to rule them all

Poemlet: I Do Not Worship Satan

Sometimes they say I worship Satan
They don’t see their pointless hatin’
They forget he’s their creation
“Wrong pantheon!” ‘s my final statement.

(by me, written minutes ago today on 12-13-2011, from a conversation on Talis Kimberley’s Facebook wall)

Filk: “The Ballad of Baubo Baggins”, ttto “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”, as sung by Leonard Nimoy

Original prompt, by a friend elsenet: “Trippy filk cross: The Ballad of Baubo Baggins. Someone needs to write it!”

Originally published in a private Facebook group, by me.

In the middle of Eleusis tending royal hearth fire
lived a bold elder goddess whom we all admire.
With a face up above
and a smile down below,
she told a bawdy joke and now Thundercunts know her as

Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
she’s saving us from the Fall!
Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
the bravest elder goddess of them all.

Now Baubo is a ancient goddess you know,
she’s down to earth and funny and befriends Doso.
She didn’t care to travel very far from home.
She cared for the family and had been left alone.
But one day Baubo was asked to go
to the well for some water to bring back and so
she found a woman crying, lost and cold
whose daughter had been stolen to the underworld.

Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
she’s saving us from the Fall!
Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
the bravest elder goddess of them all.

Well she brought home the Queen,
and brought Doso too!
She welcomed the new lady
but said “I’m watching you.”
She called out for help
kept the kid from flame
and Doso then revealed herself for who she was

Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
the bravest elder goddess of them all.
Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
the bravest elder goddess of them all.

Now Demeter (with help) lifted the blight so dire,
and returned to the Earth the warmth of Sun’s bright fire.
Her daughter is a queen of a realm deep and cold
And everything is changing, thus the story’s told…

Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
she’s saving us from the Fall!
Baubo! (Baubo!) Baubo Baggins,
the bravest elder goddess of them all.

Original Lyrics
Video of original song

Poem: Mercury Retrograde (or, Excuses)

(tongue-in-cheek, poking fun at the concept of Mercury retrograde and how much stock people sometimes put in it)
I can’t go into work today,
Mercury’s in retrograde!
If I stay home, I don’t get paid,
But I cannot work today.

I can’t talk to Mother today,
Mercury’s in retrograde!
If I chat, she’ll twist what I say!
I cannot call her today.

I can’t write my novel today,
Mercury’s in retrograde!
If I try, all my words will stray!
No, I cannot write today.

I can’t get my car fixed today,
Mercury’s in retrograde!
If I rent, they’ll give me a sleigh!
I cannot fix it today.

I can’t start vacation today,
Mercury’s in retrograde!
If I go, I’ll die on the way!
I cannot travel today.

I can’t see my lover today,
Mercury’s in retrograde!
If we talk, I’ll never get laid!
I cannot see him today.

I can’t leave my cottage today,
Mercury’s in retrograde!
If I venture I’ll rue the day…

and so I think in bed I’ll stay,
I’ve time consuming games to play,
I’ll solitaire the day away!
I cannot go out today.

Someone Else’s Filk: Baby Got Books, ttto Baby Got Back, by Jim Hines

http://jimhines.livejournal.com/591660.html

Poem: Traitor Plum

Traiter plum, you are the pits,
looking so delicious, but your lacking gives me fits.
I ate you all to little bits
and I say you were so not worth it!